Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
