Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
