on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
