Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
