I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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