he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
