you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
