Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
