I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
