After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
