Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sponge bath it is.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
