His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
