she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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