mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
