ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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