woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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