My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
