At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
