made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
