She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
