You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
