i permit you to call me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
