just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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