I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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