lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
