You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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