Your face is a jimmy john
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
