I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize