Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
