yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Everything about him screamed your future.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
