Your face is a jimmy john
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
