We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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