Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
