i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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