You're so nebulous sometimes
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
