He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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