the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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