I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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