Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
