i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
