he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
