So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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