I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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