I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
