see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
