wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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