She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
