Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
