Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
