Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
