I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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