You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize