Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
