i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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