I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
