Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
