broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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