Whod you bang
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
