The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
