he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
3pm strippers are depressing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
