I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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