my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize