My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
