we have pet lesbian snakes
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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