So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
