I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
