i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
