i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
