I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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