It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
