I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
