i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i love accidental penises.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
