Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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